Why We Need to Teach Students about Consequences of Their Actions?

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It's that time of year again.  Time to grade the 100 essay exams from the 4 classes I have been teaching.  I took a break a few times and came across this article about two cheating spouses who found each other at their child's preschool.  What was the surprising to me was the actions of these people and the claims that they make.  “I did a terrible thing as honorably as I could,” said Mr. Partilla, who moved out of his home, reluctantly leaving his three children. But he returned only days later. Then he boomeranged back and forth for six months.  Ok, that can be an honest statement.  But the problem is the word terrible and honorable do not belong in the same sentence.  It was "dishonorable" to leave your children and wife after years of marriage and be selfish.  That is what Mr. Partilla is being selfish.  While I can agree that living in a happy home is better than a sad home, he states that this was not the case.  So, he destroyed a happy home because he wanted a different life.  Ok, let's be honest about it and not try to sugar coat this whole incident. 

Ms Riddell is not guiltless in all of this either stating that "“The part that’s hard for people to believe is we didn’t have an affair,” Ms. Riddell said. “I didn’t want to sneak around and sleep with him on the side. I wanted to get up in the morning and read the paper with him.”  Ok, we all get those feelings.  And if one is not married with children, fine act on them.  However, when we get to a situation where there are several other people involved, one must start thinking of the other people, particularly the children.

What surprises me about this article, is the ease with which these people talk about their private lives.  If this were my life, I would not want to publicly illustrate that I was a lying, cheating, self-centered scoundrel.  I would want to keep this private.  This comes under the heading Too Much Information.  What purpose does this article serve?  That cheating is ok.  That one can go after their passions and damn all the other people involved.  What kind of example does this set for their children? 

I am not one to go around moralizing other people's business, but when the NYT decides to publish a story like this, I will comment.  I also agree that sometimes we cannot control who we fall in love with.  But, the thing that was painfully obvious in this story with the "happy" family picture was the absence of what the other spouses and children went through.  They were the ones that had to pay for this selfish act.  And it is a selfish act.  We all wonder at times whether we have married the right person.  What is clear here is that despite the protestations of restraint and that their marriages were not in trouble, there was something wrong before the marriages fell apart.  Frankly, I don't expect them in their PR effort to admit that, as this was clearly rehearsed. 

So what does this have to do with history and teaching?  Well, it is a lesson in the importance of one's actions.  That there is a responsibility on the part of the individual that is bigger than the self when one is involved in a relationship.  The historical illustration that comes to mind is Henry VIII.  While he may have wanted to break with Rome, he did not consider the effect his actions would be on his daughters or his wives.  While he was concerned about an heir, as history has shown, could he not have explored other options?  I mean he could have passed on the Tudor dynasty to one of his sisters and still have kept a Tudor line.  In fact, the issue of Lady Jane Grey comes to mind.  But it is an example of not considering ones actions beforehand. 

This is also the problem of the generation that is now in its 20s, they have no idea of what it is like to sacrifice.  And that is what should have happened here.  If they were unfulfilled in their lives, then they should have found other ways rather than destroy other lives.  If their marriages were not in trouble, why destroy them?  Again, I am not one to say stay together at all costs.  That would be unproductive.  But in a day and age when most marriages don’t last past 5 years.  People need to understand that relationships are not about the individual and as they grow more people get involved in the mix.  It is a sad statement and they probably are remorseful, but they should not have publicized it as a triumph. It was a sanctimonious article with a less than clear lesson on life.